omg. I think this week is the like the week which I spend the most, in my entire life....
=X
seriously, I think I need the office 2007 accounting tool to help me keep track of my finances...
bleah~
...
...
...
I was about to make a blog entry to talk some of my thoughts on immortality and time. AND...
SOMEBODY HAD TO REMIND ME THAT I HAVE 10 MORE DAYS LEFT BEFORE MY BIRTHDAY!!! *cries*
Ok.. she meant it in a nice way, like-a "lets go celebrate, watch violent movies and get drunk" type of way...
but, I can't help but feel an overwhelming sense of distraught..
I'm entering into the second decade of my life!!
I've changed, alot since I was 10 years old.
I'm half a meter taller, 15 kg heavier, and this time, I can break a skull if I wanted to...
(btw. The statistics refers to : "1.71 m, 60 kg and at least 5 more inches around my biceps")
- jeez. listen to andrew the narcissist.-
- I'm not! -
...
But seriously, I don't want to grow up... Its an innate fear I have of being left alone.
The innate fear of change...
I guess I'm wierd. Even as a kid, I didnt want to grow up... While every kid around me wanted to grow up fast and be an adult, to do stuffs that adults do..
I was kinda contented with my BB friends, playing magic cards and starcraft...
Rebelliousness was never my cup of coffee... though I always had a sharp tongue and emotion-wrecking way of arguing, I always conformed back to what seemed the most practical to me at that time...
I guess, in my life... There is nothing much that I regret...
In a way, even if I die now, I can say that I stretched my life to the maximum... Every experience I have now, ever friend that I have, every talent that I can be proud about is a culmination of a series of efforts that I thought was a practical discourse.
or... I wouldnt have done it, of course, knowing my personality...
Everything in life starts off as a struggle...
... a baby struggling to come out of the mother's womb
... an aspiring swimmer choking on water after a few strokes
... a toddler struggling to mouth his first few words
... a student trying out a new language...
... haha... It reaches a point in life, when you break through the front part, that you soar ahead really fast...
I took a really long time to realize this...
Nothing is really as tough as it seems. If somebody did it, there must be a way to do it shorter, a more effective way...
life.
a fragment of reality.
... I still don't want to grow up....
But its not that I don't ever want to grow up..
I just don't want to grow up.... alone..
*hugs*
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